If I may, I'd suggest changing that last instance of using the word 'fate', to something else, like 'end' maybe. I got a too-close repetition thing going on.
Having said that, and that alone, this is an excellent little piece. Of course I don't know what the others were like so I can't know if it deserved to win, but from having read enough of your work already what I can say is that you do deserve to have won at some point! So better late than never.
What's great about this piece is that it forces the reader to conjure up all the subtext, by asking all the prompted questions written between the lines. That's how to engage readers, of course. All the best writers know that it's readers who should be doing half the work (show not tell). If you deny the reader the opportunity to do their own imagining, then they will be sorely disappointed with you, the writer, and not bother with you again.
And Louise saying she wanted to read on and find out what happens next etc. is precisely what I'm talking about. I think she's dead right. It has great atmosphere, immediate deep characters, worldbuilding/setting, dramatic history, character's motive, and so on.
Very well done indeed. Well deserved.
Such a shame you couldn't be there in person - then again, fate has always adored a healthy dose of cruel irony. Ask her about it.
Oh dear, good spot, Evie. You read something over and over and still miss things. I need your proofreading eye! Tempting to edit this version, but then your comment won’t make sense. Thank you also for your other comments, compliments and congratulations.
Thank you, Sue. Yes, definitely some Consilience echoes (and a bit of a ‘Flood’ obsession!). Always handy to have a spin-off character or two in your back-pocket. Mikey is another one I've had in mind.
Congrats for winning 👏 An "ooooohh" rippled through the audience when Louise read out the last line :D
Thank you, Nicola. Gutted I wasn't there, but having that audience reaction makes writing worthwhile!
There was an 'ooooohh' here too - all one of me!
Thank you, Ali. I'm sure you "ooh'd" enough for everyone in the house...😛
Ooh
Matron.
bacon counter
❓ Unaware of a link with Matron's Bacon… [unless slicey ‘n’ dicey]
If I may, I'd suggest changing that last instance of using the word 'fate', to something else, like 'end' maybe. I got a too-close repetition thing going on.
Having said that, and that alone, this is an excellent little piece. Of course I don't know what the others were like so I can't know if it deserved to win, but from having read enough of your work already what I can say is that you do deserve to have won at some point! So better late than never.
What's great about this piece is that it forces the reader to conjure up all the subtext, by asking all the prompted questions written between the lines. That's how to engage readers, of course. All the best writers know that it's readers who should be doing half the work (show not tell). If you deny the reader the opportunity to do their own imagining, then they will be sorely disappointed with you, the writer, and not bother with you again.
And Louise saying she wanted to read on and find out what happens next etc. is precisely what I'm talking about. I think she's dead right. It has great atmosphere, immediate deep characters, worldbuilding/setting, dramatic history, character's motive, and so on.
Very well done indeed. Well deserved.
Such a shame you couldn't be there in person - then again, fate has always adored a healthy dose of cruel irony. Ask her about it.
Oh dear, good spot, Evie. You read something over and over and still miss things. I need your proofreading eye! Tempting to edit this version, but then your comment won’t make sense. Thank you also for your other comments, compliments and congratulations.
Sounds like an offshoot of your series! Very well done.
Thank you, Sue. Yes, definitely some Consilience echoes (and a bit of a ‘Flood’ obsession!). Always handy to have a spin-off character or two in your back-pocket. Mikey is another one I've had in mind.
Ooh thrilling! Congrats on your first first prize. First of many I'm sure!
Thank you so much, Shoni. Here's hoping. Such accolades help to spur you on.