Puts me in mind of a very bleak future (climate change, inevitable encroaching) or perhaps the march of the North (GoT). Nice poem, sufficiently bleak. 😳
Thanks for taking the time to read my poem, Zac, and pleased it resonated with you. Hadn't thought of the GoT angle - but the subconscious works in mysterious ways!
Thank you very much, Jean. I hope the changes I made after you judged the poem are an improvement (I'm not weighing on your time for a further opinion!) Sometimes you can overtweak things and lose what worked originally.
This was a strong bit of verse for sure. to me it seemed it was going to make a volte face half way through for a moment... with warm blooded life winning the battle but the last verse takes us back to the victory in ice. great imagery. ive been in that forest.
As you may be aware I'm a big fan of internal rhymes, as I prefer my poetry to be rhythmic with a good cadence. The other aspect I like with poetry is for it be evocative - of what in particular? Whatever the poem is supposed to be about. In your case of course it's about the darker side of nature when Persephone has departed. There's some great imagery in it too (as in your choice of photos).
So I very much like this poem of yours. I would've given it first place if it was up to me. I had a look at the other winning entries (and your original version - this new version is better, by the way - especially as you've laid it out properly) and yours is definitely my favourite. The others are 'ok' but I got a bit annoyed by the first one. Repetition is all very well but, well, I don't know, it just sort of started grating on me. It became, hmm, how shall I put it - ah, yes - it lost any claim to 'elegance' as it progressed. Especially as the dis-assonance at the beginning is really off-putting. Mind you that's Gooners for you. Speaking as a Spurs fan, you know.
As for the second, well it's all very nice writing of course but it's not exactly poetry is it? I know a lot of what passes for poetry these days is just prose arranged on a page to look like poetry (i.e. split into lines), but this one is, well, it's prose. Maybe the writer was making an ironic statement, I don't know. But the competition did specify poetry, did it not? So I would've disqualified it myself.
Anyway - there's my review. If you have enough poems of this quality have you considered putting them together as a collection? Because if so then you should.
Glad you enjoyed my poem, Evie. I took the photos myself, so it's gratifying that they helped to set the mood.
I think that anyone who puts in the effort to write (no matter if poetry or prose) deserves praise as much as, if not more, than any valid critique. (I believe poetic prose was also permitted for the competition - and not sure who the Gooners are!)
Puts me in mind of a very bleak future (climate change, inevitable encroaching) or perhaps the march of the North (GoT). Nice poem, sufficiently bleak. 😳
Thanks for taking the time to read my poem, Zac, and pleased it resonated with you. Hadn't thought of the GoT angle - but the subconscious works in mysterious ways!
This was a fine piece of writing and well-deserved of a placing.
Thank you very much, Jean. I hope the changes I made after you judged the poem are an improvement (I'm not weighing on your time for a further opinion!) Sometimes you can overtweak things and lose what worked originally.
This was a strong bit of verse for sure. to me it seemed it was going to make a volte face half way through for a moment... with warm blooded life winning the battle but the last verse takes us back to the victory in ice. great imagery. ive been in that forest.
Thank you, Nick. I'm so pleased it resonated. Snow and ice-laden forests do tend to keep you on your toes!
That's a very good poem, Sir.
As you may be aware I'm a big fan of internal rhymes, as I prefer my poetry to be rhythmic with a good cadence. The other aspect I like with poetry is for it be evocative - of what in particular? Whatever the poem is supposed to be about. In your case of course it's about the darker side of nature when Persephone has departed. There's some great imagery in it too (as in your choice of photos).
So I very much like this poem of yours. I would've given it first place if it was up to me. I had a look at the other winning entries (and your original version - this new version is better, by the way - especially as you've laid it out properly) and yours is definitely my favourite. The others are 'ok' but I got a bit annoyed by the first one. Repetition is all very well but, well, I don't know, it just sort of started grating on me. It became, hmm, how shall I put it - ah, yes - it lost any claim to 'elegance' as it progressed. Especially as the dis-assonance at the beginning is really off-putting. Mind you that's Gooners for you. Speaking as a Spurs fan, you know.
As for the second, well it's all very nice writing of course but it's not exactly poetry is it? I know a lot of what passes for poetry these days is just prose arranged on a page to look like poetry (i.e. split into lines), but this one is, well, it's prose. Maybe the writer was making an ironic statement, I don't know. But the competition did specify poetry, did it not? So I would've disqualified it myself.
Anyway - there's my review. If you have enough poems of this quality have you considered putting them together as a collection? Because if so then you should.
Glad you enjoyed my poem, Evie. I took the photos myself, so it's gratifying that they helped to set the mood.
I think that anyone who puts in the effort to write (no matter if poetry or prose) deserves praise as much as, if not more, than any valid critique. (I believe poetic prose was also permitted for the competition - and not sure who the Gooners are!)
Ah - well if poetic prose was allowed, then that's acceptable. It was a well-crafted bit of poetic prose, for sure.
Gooners is slang for Arsenal fans. (the Gunners).
You have quite a penchant and skill for photography, I've noticed. Please post more to accompany your writing. I enjoy them very much.