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Evelyn K. Brunswick's avatar

Ok - so having indulged myself in a hot chocolate and thought deeply about my responses to your story I've concluded that I may be in danger of writing an entire essay. And something that could well be not out of place in a psychology textbook. Overlong comments, however, are never a good thing, so I will try and be disciplined and split things up into points. At the same time, it should motivate me to write you the email I have been meaning to for so long.

Anyway, first, I thought it was an exceptional piece of writing. On every level. The pacing and the sentencing especially, and the voice, which was kind of diary-esque, as well as just thoughtforms bubbling around inside her head. I mean she's sort of talking to herself the whole time - it's not that she's self-centred, by any means - she's clearly a very self-aware and mature person. And self-confident too, I would imagine. There's also a lot of suggestiveness and indeed tension there. And then we have a brilliant little twist at the end.

I was wondering what age you had in mind for her? I'm thinking 40-something. Not so much a mid-life crisis (although that's alluded to with the 'silent' husband - the part of the husband was really well done too, by the way - full of suggestiveness - like, do they still fuck?), but rather perhaps an approaching menopause. Maybe this is something men are a bit nervous of writing about actually (rather than, or as well as, female sex stuff). I don't have children myself but I am aware of the 'impending loss of fertility', and with it the loss of 'purpose' and 'desirability'. That is something which is obviously not the same at all for men (this sort of crops up in older Katrina, along with the obvious fantasy about being young again). So this fantasising on the part of the woman in your story is in fact very normal. I can certainly relate to it.

Maybe this is a thing men might not want to acknowledge. It's ironic of course, because I think it's fairly normal (correct me if I'm wrong here!) for a bloke to see some lovely example of the female of the species (especially in summer) and then go and jerk off at their next private opportunity (good that you mentioned showering in this story). Like that bit in Pulp Fiction when Travolta's talking to himself in the mirror whilst Uma is overdosing on his smack in the other room, thinking it's coke. Well, why shouldn't it be normal for women too?

I would also say that a lot of the prudishness comes from over a thousand years of conditioning by puritan Judaeo-Christianity, which has done far more spiritual, emotional, and psychological damage to the human species, and human relationships, than a lot of people are either aware of, or not courageous enough to admit. Go back to pagan times, say Classical times, and you wouldn't find a writer who was 'nervous' of writing about female sexuality. That's my guess, anyway.

So the nervousness, I'd say, is a distinctly modern phenomenon - it's not a 'natural' aspect of being a bloke.

Time for a next comment.

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Evelyn K. Brunswick's avatar

I couldn't help noticing, because I'm like that, that you posted this at the beginning of a February and mentioned it was your birthday soon. Does this mean you're a fellow Aquarian? That would explain a lot. I always get on with fellow Aquarians, as there's a kind of mutual unspoken understanding there. I don't know whether other signs share this sort of thing but personally I think it's a very Aquarian trait.

Your obvious sensitivity (what some people call 'in touch with one's feminine side') is another reason I like you.

Don't think this was my only reaction/comment to your excellent story, by the way. I just wanted to ask that question whilst it was in my head, separately to any longer observations.

I'm going to treat myself to a hot chocolate first, though. As it were.

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