Ok - so having indulged myself in a hot chocolate and thought deeply about my responses to your story I've concluded that I may be in danger of writing an entire essay. And something that could well be not out of place in a psychology textbook. Overlong comments, however, are never a good thing, so I will try and be disciplined and split things up into points. At the same time, it should motivate me to write you the email I have been meaning to for so long.
Anyway, first, I thought it was an exceptional piece of writing. On every level. The pacing and the sentencing especially, and the voice, which was kind of diary-esque, as well as just thoughtforms bubbling around inside her head. I mean she's sort of talking to herself the whole time - it's not that she's self-centred, by any means - she's clearly a very self-aware and mature person. And self-confident too, I would imagine. There's also a lot of suggestiveness and indeed tension there. And then we have a brilliant little twist at the end.
I was wondering what age you had in mind for her? I'm thinking 40-something. Not so much a mid-life crisis (although that's alluded to with the 'silent' husband - the part of the husband was really well done too, by the way - full of suggestiveness - like, do they still fuck?), but rather perhaps an approaching menopause. Maybe this is something men are a bit nervous of writing about actually (rather than, or as well as, female sex stuff). I don't have children myself but I am aware of the 'impending loss of fertility', and with it the loss of 'purpose' and 'desirability'. That is something which is obviously not the same at all for men (this sort of crops up in older Katrina, along with the obvious fantasy about being young again). So this fantasising on the part of the woman in your story is in fact very normal. I can certainly relate to it.
Maybe this is a thing men might not want to acknowledge. It's ironic of course, because I think it's fairly normal (correct me if I'm wrong here!) for a bloke to see some lovely example of the female of the species (especially in summer) and then go and jerk off at their next private opportunity (good that you mentioned showering in this story). Like that bit in Pulp Fiction when Travolta's talking to himself in the mirror whilst Uma is overdosing on his smack in the other room, thinking it's coke. Well, why shouldn't it be normal for women too?
I would also say that a lot of the prudishness comes from over a thousand years of conditioning by puritan Judaeo-Christianity, which has done far more spiritual, emotional, and psychological damage to the human species, and human relationships, than a lot of people are either aware of, or not courageous enough to admit. Go back to pagan times, say Classical times, and you wouldn't find a writer who was 'nervous' of writing about female sexuality. That's my guess, anyway.
So the nervousness, I'd say, is a distinctly modern phenomenon - it's not a 'natural' aspect of being a bloke.
My next thought was an irony. So, rather than it being a case of 'men' (in general) being averse to writing about female eroticism, it's actually just you who is nervous about it. But there lies the irony. Because your nervousness is actually sensitivity. And you can't write stuff like this well without sensitivity.
So as a kind of experiment, in which you are entirely self-aware and mindful of your own part in the story (because you are, whether you like it or not, in this story) - it is extremely successful. The psychology of it is accurate, in my opinion/experience. And as I said, the internal imaginings are likewise accurate. Equally so, the understated suggestiveness - that's a far, far better way to write this kind of stuff I think. Otherwise - like you sort of said - it ends up being crude.
Female stuff, then, should have this sensitivity and suggestiveness and sensuousness and internal imaginings. And by sensuousness, we mean 'love of oneself as a woman' - delighting in one's curves and all the rest of it (which you captured well in the story, by the way - and then expressed through all the photography - which, quite rightly, she ended up appreciating). Ironically - in this patriarchy - this kind of 'autogynephilia' has been lumbered with negative psychological connotations (along with a whole load of other natural female traits - don't get me started on Freud). It doesn't just apply to trans women - I mean why shouldn't a woman be able to love themselves as a woman? Does the same apply to men?
And is this also another reason for the scandalous and shocking low rate of rape convictions? Because the patriarchy (the Judaeo-Christian thing again) does not allow women to be sexual creatures and to love themselves as a normal thing. Men are allowed to (with regard to women) but women aren't? What's wrong with that picture?
So yeah - I think I would cite the social mores, if we can put it that way, as a definite influence on this 'writing about eroticism' issue. Without this awful patriarchy I don't think men would have such issues understanding and empathising with women at all. They are scared to, and they shouldn't be. Because we're not that different, in the end. And that, perhaps, is one of the great ironies.
These have been long comments. I'll leave it there for now. Lots to think about, for sure.
Which just goes to show how much I valued your wonderful story.
Your intro is a really important accompaniment to the story I thought, and adds a lot to it. If it wasn't for that, and if I didn't know it was written by a bloke, I would've just assumed it was written by a woman (yes, that is a compliment).
With the into, though, it adds a whole new sort of meta-dimension to the story. Obviously, the idea of 'voyeurism' comes into it. So the question is, is this a male fantasy about a female fantasy, or is it nothing of the sort. That's to say, given the twist at the end. It seems like it's her doing the voyeur thing then it turns out her neighbour was all the time, and much further than she was.
Ah - yeah, that's what I was going to say first of all. About your uncertainty about writing female eroticism as a bloke. Well, the irony is that the actual sex bit was somewhat underplayed and only suggested. It was 'erotic' sure, but it wasn't overt in any way. From a certain point of view that does make it more accurate. Especially as fantasies are accompanied by internal visual images/imaginings - which you have indeed captured really well. And it is these internal images which are more important than the physical actions. So maybe the kind of men who can't write about female sex are just not thinking about the images, they are simply describing a series of physical actions, which may as well be a description of a nature programme (like most soft porn movies lol - boring as hell, in other words).
Perhaps the type of men who can't write female eroticism are simply not particularly empathic anyway. That's to say they're not sensitive and don't actually give a shit about women. I'm willing to believe that. Hemingway, for example. I had a thought earlier that writers, by definition, are empathic, or have to be to write well, and write good characters etc. But now I'm doubtful, having written the above.
I couldn't help noticing, because I'm like that, that you posted this at the beginning of a February and mentioned it was your birthday soon. Does this mean you're a fellow Aquarian? That would explain a lot. I always get on with fellow Aquarians, as there's a kind of mutual unspoken understanding there. I don't know whether other signs share this sort of thing but personally I think it's a very Aquarian trait.
Your obvious sensitivity (what some people call 'in touch with one's feminine side') is another reason I like you.
Don't think this was my only reaction/comment to your excellent story, by the way. I just wanted to ask that question whilst it was in my head, separately to any longer observations.
I'm going to treat myself to a hot chocolate first, though. As it were.
I'm far more into astronomy than astrology, but if I were to indulge such notions then I'd be classified as an 'On the Cuspian'. But enough of this, what are your thoughts on the actual story?
There's no such thing as a cusp in astrology (I know a lot about it, you see). Then again I sense you do have a few Piscean traits. The emotions, for example. Mind you I think Aquarians and Pisceans are far more alike than they often realise. Alison is Pisces, for example.
Ok - so having indulged myself in a hot chocolate and thought deeply about my responses to your story I've concluded that I may be in danger of writing an entire essay. And something that could well be not out of place in a psychology textbook. Overlong comments, however, are never a good thing, so I will try and be disciplined and split things up into points. At the same time, it should motivate me to write you the email I have been meaning to for so long.
Anyway, first, I thought it was an exceptional piece of writing. On every level. The pacing and the sentencing especially, and the voice, which was kind of diary-esque, as well as just thoughtforms bubbling around inside her head. I mean she's sort of talking to herself the whole time - it's not that she's self-centred, by any means - she's clearly a very self-aware and mature person. And self-confident too, I would imagine. There's also a lot of suggestiveness and indeed tension there. And then we have a brilliant little twist at the end.
I was wondering what age you had in mind for her? I'm thinking 40-something. Not so much a mid-life crisis (although that's alluded to with the 'silent' husband - the part of the husband was really well done too, by the way - full of suggestiveness - like, do they still fuck?), but rather perhaps an approaching menopause. Maybe this is something men are a bit nervous of writing about actually (rather than, or as well as, female sex stuff). I don't have children myself but I am aware of the 'impending loss of fertility', and with it the loss of 'purpose' and 'desirability'. That is something which is obviously not the same at all for men (this sort of crops up in older Katrina, along with the obvious fantasy about being young again). So this fantasising on the part of the woman in your story is in fact very normal. I can certainly relate to it.
Maybe this is a thing men might not want to acknowledge. It's ironic of course, because I think it's fairly normal (correct me if I'm wrong here!) for a bloke to see some lovely example of the female of the species (especially in summer) and then go and jerk off at their next private opportunity (good that you mentioned showering in this story). Like that bit in Pulp Fiction when Travolta's talking to himself in the mirror whilst Uma is overdosing on his smack in the other room, thinking it's coke. Well, why shouldn't it be normal for women too?
I would also say that a lot of the prudishness comes from over a thousand years of conditioning by puritan Judaeo-Christianity, which has done far more spiritual, emotional, and psychological damage to the human species, and human relationships, than a lot of people are either aware of, or not courageous enough to admit. Go back to pagan times, say Classical times, and you wouldn't find a writer who was 'nervous' of writing about female sexuality. That's my guess, anyway.
So the nervousness, I'd say, is a distinctly modern phenomenon - it's not a 'natural' aspect of being a bloke.
Time for a next comment.
My next thought was an irony. So, rather than it being a case of 'men' (in general) being averse to writing about female eroticism, it's actually just you who is nervous about it. But there lies the irony. Because your nervousness is actually sensitivity. And you can't write stuff like this well without sensitivity.
So as a kind of experiment, in which you are entirely self-aware and mindful of your own part in the story (because you are, whether you like it or not, in this story) - it is extremely successful. The psychology of it is accurate, in my opinion/experience. And as I said, the internal imaginings are likewise accurate. Equally so, the understated suggestiveness - that's a far, far better way to write this kind of stuff I think. Otherwise - like you sort of said - it ends up being crude.
Female stuff, then, should have this sensitivity and suggestiveness and sensuousness and internal imaginings. And by sensuousness, we mean 'love of oneself as a woman' - delighting in one's curves and all the rest of it (which you captured well in the story, by the way - and then expressed through all the photography - which, quite rightly, she ended up appreciating). Ironically - in this patriarchy - this kind of 'autogynephilia' has been lumbered with negative psychological connotations (along with a whole load of other natural female traits - don't get me started on Freud). It doesn't just apply to trans women - I mean why shouldn't a woman be able to love themselves as a woman? Does the same apply to men?
And is this also another reason for the scandalous and shocking low rate of rape convictions? Because the patriarchy (the Judaeo-Christian thing again) does not allow women to be sexual creatures and to love themselves as a normal thing. Men are allowed to (with regard to women) but women aren't? What's wrong with that picture?
So yeah - I think I would cite the social mores, if we can put it that way, as a definite influence on this 'writing about eroticism' issue. Without this awful patriarchy I don't think men would have such issues understanding and empathising with women at all. They are scared to, and they shouldn't be. Because we're not that different, in the end. And that, perhaps, is one of the great ironies.
These have been long comments. I'll leave it there for now. Lots to think about, for sure.
Which just goes to show how much I valued your wonderful story.
I'll do my comments as a thread I think.
Your intro is a really important accompaniment to the story I thought, and adds a lot to it. If it wasn't for that, and if I didn't know it was written by a bloke, I would've just assumed it was written by a woman (yes, that is a compliment).
With the into, though, it adds a whole new sort of meta-dimension to the story. Obviously, the idea of 'voyeurism' comes into it. So the question is, is this a male fantasy about a female fantasy, or is it nothing of the sort. That's to say, given the twist at the end. It seems like it's her doing the voyeur thing then it turns out her neighbour was all the time, and much further than she was.
Ah - yeah, that's what I was going to say first of all. About your uncertainty about writing female eroticism as a bloke. Well, the irony is that the actual sex bit was somewhat underplayed and only suggested. It was 'erotic' sure, but it wasn't overt in any way. From a certain point of view that does make it more accurate. Especially as fantasies are accompanied by internal visual images/imaginings - which you have indeed captured really well. And it is these internal images which are more important than the physical actions. So maybe the kind of men who can't write about female sex are just not thinking about the images, they are simply describing a series of physical actions, which may as well be a description of a nature programme (like most soft porn movies lol - boring as hell, in other words).
Perhaps the type of men who can't write female eroticism are simply not particularly empathic anyway. That's to say they're not sensitive and don't actually give a shit about women. I'm willing to believe that. Hemingway, for example. I had a thought earlier that writers, by definition, are empathic, or have to be to write well, and write good characters etc. But now I'm doubtful, having written the above.
Next comment time.
I couldn't help noticing, because I'm like that, that you posted this at the beginning of a February and mentioned it was your birthday soon. Does this mean you're a fellow Aquarian? That would explain a lot. I always get on with fellow Aquarians, as there's a kind of mutual unspoken understanding there. I don't know whether other signs share this sort of thing but personally I think it's a very Aquarian trait.
Your obvious sensitivity (what some people call 'in touch with one's feminine side') is another reason I like you.
Don't think this was my only reaction/comment to your excellent story, by the way. I just wanted to ask that question whilst it was in my head, separately to any longer observations.
I'm going to treat myself to a hot chocolate first, though. As it were.
I'm far more into astronomy than astrology, but if I were to indulge such notions then I'd be classified as an 'On the Cuspian'. But enough of this, what are your thoughts on the actual story?
There's no such thing as a cusp in astrology (I know a lot about it, you see). Then again I sense you do have a few Piscean traits. The emotions, for example. Mind you I think Aquarians and Pisceans are far more alike than they often realise. Alison is Pisces, for example.
Sorry - you're quite right. Enough of that.